~J

I have a friend who I will call T. T is currently getting a divorce from H.

T and I met at an IFB event several weeks ago and he seemed very cool.

We got to talking at dinner after the movie and we had a lot in common: we’re both gamers, we both like similar movies, we are both fairly aligned insofar as politics and the like are concerned.

I like talking to him; he seems a really sweet guy.

Last night, I met up with some of the people from the Indianapolis D&D Meetup for the first time for drinks and dinner before we were going to go to “A Nightmare Before Christmas – 3D.” (We ended up not going to the movie, but I’ll get to that.)

While we’re at dinner, it comes out that one of the girls at dinner is T’s soon-to-be-ex H.

Ooh, awkward.

She wanted to know what he had said about her, and what sort of relationship he and I were in or whatever.

I was honest with her. I don’t know if I should have broken his confidence or not, but I did.

Instead of going to the movie after dinner, we went to Best Buy and back to H’s to watch “Secretary” which I enjoyed a great deal.

And then T called me. He was returning a call I had placed to him early in the evening, so it wasn’t completely out of the blue. But he started asking me questions about who was there, where I was, and what H had told me about them.

I am in a very uncomfortable position at the moment.

On the one hand, I have T telling me how much he still loves H and how all he wants is to be with her, and on the other hand I have H telling me to screw him so he can go ahead and get over her.

I actually don’t want to sleep with him. I want to be his friend. But I also want to be her friend. And I think T might take issue with that.

Thoughts? Could use the help here.

Love until later,

~J

So this weekend was wonderful.

I went to go see "The Taming of the Shrew" with MW on Friday night at Richmond Civic Theater. It was good; not great, but well worth the time.

Saturday was "Roman Art from the Louvre" at the IMA with H. Was stunning, although thinking maybe the Romans would have declined less if they had spent more time on keeping their empire going and less time carving exact replicas of the haristyles of the day. V. intricate, v. pretty, way too much time spent on them. Just saying.

Saturday night was IFB costume party. Was v. fun, especially seeing K's brother who is v. cute. Almost in the datable area, but not quite.

Left party early to go home and sleep before Kanar.

Oh. My. Gawd.

Kanar was awesome. Best gaming experience of my life. Watching the pc's kill themselves with undead forces and then for W to lose anyway was killer. Got to camera mule for them so many pictures were taken. I wish, just once, the pc's would stop fighting for just a minute so I could take an action shot without it being blurry, but what're you gonna do?

Afters was...interesting. I talked to a bunch of people, embarrassed the crap out of J.2, inadvertantly ignoring J.1. Ooops. Didn't mean to, but flirting requires focus, and I can't start something one person with someone else breathing down my neck. Literally.

Then, as we were leaving Cici's Pizza, P's car had a flat tire. 11:00 on a Sunday night with a flat spare. Hopeless, right? Never fear, I is here. I know of a 24 hour tire place on Raymond and Harding, so P, M, and I went over to Petro's, got the tire fixed and went back to Cici's. Upon our return, found out that P doesn't have a lug wrench and M's wouldn't fit his lugs. P drives a Jaguar and they have metric lugs. M's Mercury has standard lugs. 

So I ended up calling AAA, who didn't show up until about 1:30. M bought us a "Crave Case" from the WC Lounge (that's White Castle, for those of you keeping score at home), so we had a picnic at midnight in the parking lot of Cici's pizza, telling jokes and watching "Red vs. Blue" on W's laptop until the battery died.

So that was my weekend. High drama, thrilling action, and only a minor headache.

Love until later,

~J

So, tonight I get to go see yet another free movie with my film club. This time it's "Gone Baby Gone," Ben Affleck's directorial debut.

I can get one other person in with me. Any takers? It's free. Cannot emphasize the free enough.

Tired with no good reason to be. Yesterday I went to K's dad's funeral. Suck. But after, I went to see people who understand me and don't place burdens upon me. Plus I got to see Saturday's Torchwood while eating dinner. For those of you who haven't seen it: don't eat ribs while watching it. Just...word to the wise.

Boss man has been out of the state since Sunday, so, yay! I'm gotten to wear flip flops and jeans to work every day. Haven't, but could if I chose to. Just been too cold for that sort of nonsense.

Have not done ANY actual work since 8:00 this morning. Have just been playing with Limewire and quotes from Firefly.

Love all of you. I really do. Just really too tired to be around too many people at the moment. Tired all the time, really. Sad, too. Again, without any good reason.

Love until later,

~J

As some of you know, I collect quotes. 

I have pretty pens to transfer them into pretty books. It's all very...pretty.

Anyway, I would like, if I may, to ask for your favorite quotes.

They can be anything; I don't mind any subject, language (preferably English, but I mean, what're you gonna do?), or length.

Song lyrics, movie quotes, famous quotes, things that just pop into your head, that conversation you had while high with the Dalai Lama, whatever. Also, I don't need attributions. If you don't know who said a thing but you still think it's shiny, send it on over. 

I loves me them, so anything you could do to help would be, by me, appreciated.

Thanks.

Love until later,
~J

I'm not sure when it happened, but I have a lot of friends. Please let me say that this is a pretty new concept for me. 

There was a time when I didn't really have many friends. I didn't think very highly of myself, so I'd hole up in a corner during recess and read. Read a lot.

Then, I started speaking up in class. I figured that since I knew what the teachers were talking about and no one else was interjecting anything interesting, I might as well pipe up. 

But I still didn't really have any friends.

Jump to, say, eight years later. I have tons of friends and people that love me, some of them to the extent that I consider them to be more important to me than my family.

Why am I thinking about this? Because I feel like, for the first time in a long time, my life isn't headed straight for the unpleasant parts of the Nether Worlds.

Optimism's team shoots and scores. Let's check the current standings: Pessimism : 435,789,665,501, Optimism : 4.

Okay, I guess I still have a ways to go. But I feel like I deserve to be happy, so that's a start.

Love until later,

~J

Last night I got free therapy in the form of CDG time, which was lovely. It's so nice after a hellish day at the office to spend time with people I enjoy as much as I enjoy the three of them. Should say the five of them because I love the girls as well. Wonderful people all. Plus, I get to watch Torchwood when I'm over. =)

Torchwood from Saturday was good (sad but good), House was lovely as per usual, Reaper is actually quite good, and Boston Legal was also nice. It's also cool because I have people with whom to talk about the television I watch, so it's an all around good time. For me, at least.

Today is Wednesday, and because it is the 2nd Wednesday of the month, that means that it is Movie Game time at the IFB.

It's so much fun. We play various movie games and generally hate on each other because our tastes are so varied. We were playing one night (a version of the game wherein one person names a movie, the next person has to name an actor from that movie, and the next person has to name another movie with that actor, etc.) and I was sitting next to a member of my club who frankly knows all that there is to know about both mainstream and obscure cinema. The man is good at the game. And I stumped him.

With Hilary Duff. Not my proudest moment, but I got him.

So, anyway, that'll be fun. I'll go for a couple of hours and then go home and watch Criminal Minds and CSI:NY. 

Tomorrow, I'm either going to stay home, watch CSI: and veg out or I'm going to a free screening of "The Last Game," a movie I have heard literally nothing about. Oh well.

Friday I was supposed to go to a Hogeye Navvy concert in Lafayette, but I don't think I will. Too far, gas is too dear, and I'll be tired. Plus, now I have other plans.

Saturday is my film club's last outdoor screening for the year. We're showing "Time Bandits" at Mass Ave Video at 9:00. It's free, so if you wanna come, it should be a good time. Just bring stuff to bundle up in, cause it should be chilly. Finally.

I mean, I just don't like summer. At all. I don't like being hot, sticky, or sweaty, so most of the time I just hole up in my apartment and crank the AC. Gawd, there were a couple of times this summer while gaming outside when I would have traded sexual favors for air conditioning.

It shouldn't be 96 in October, as it was on Saturday in Greenfield. It shouldn't be 86 in October, as it was when I was driving home from work yesterday.

I'm just saying, I hold my grandparents responsible. My friends' kids are fucked. (I say "my friends' kids" because I don't intend to have them.) 

I seem to have lost my ability to relate concisely the point I wish to make. My apologies for the length of this note.

Love until later,

~J 

I was at the Riley Days Fest on Saturday, as I had previously mentioned. I was standing at the soda fountain, waiting for an honest to gods cherry coke when the two women behind me struck up a conversation. Please let me say that they were making no attempt to cover up their conversation or whisper.

I was wearing a shirt that showed off my tattoos. I like my tattoos. They are tasteful and pretty, or at least I think they are.

So, I'm standing there, minding my own effing business, and these two chicks start talking about tattoos. Could be completely innocent of my personal body art, right? No. One of them says to the other, "See her tattoo? Not the butterfly, the other one? That's just...gross.  I don't get it."

You get the point.

I turned around to let them know just what I thought of them, but their order came up, they paid and left, so I didn't get the chance to yell at them.

Whatever anyone else thinks, I think my tattoos are cool. Especially the one she despised. It's my mother's name, for christ's sake. It's not gross. If you don't like it, stfu. 

I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. If you have questions about my tattoo, either ask me or keep quiet. But don't announce, in earshot, that you think my tattoo is gross.

I hate people. Stoopid bitch.

~J

Had a pretty good weekend, all things considered. 

Friday was Garou in Bloomington, which was fun. Got to put my 30 levles of screaming to work, which was cool. Nice conversation with M & M, as per usual, but also got to have girly chat with K, which was teh awesome. 

Not teh awesome: left my phone in M & M's car. Suck. Didn't have my phone from 2.45 Saturday morning to 9.20ish Saturday night. Have come to realize just how much I depend on my cell phone: checking email, checking Facebook, checking MySpace, texting, and, oh yeah, answering and placing phone calls. (Note to self: never leave phone someplace where you can't get to it if you have plans the next day.)

Saturday was better than I expected. Went to Greenfield with my dad for his birfday. We went to the Riley Days Fest, which is like the Fall Festival in Evansville but not as cool. It was pretty...okay, even though Dad brought D. I am really trying hard to like her, but come on. No one tells me about the divorce for SIX WEEKS, and now I'm expected to like his new girlfriend? Maybe other people could, but I just can't. I am doing my level best to be civil and for the most part, it's working. Back to the festival: got hit on by a guy in chicken suit while my dad was standing there, listening to us talk. I mean, at least D was trying to pull him away, but he just didn't get it. Dad bought me Amish apple butter, which is REALLY good. Actually, the only money I spent at all on Saturday was for cigarettes, which I didn't expect for him to pay for anyway.

After the festival, he drove us back to his new apartment where I watched CSI:NY and Torchwood (again) while he napped. Then we went to dinner with E & ML at Cheeseburger in Paradise, which was pretty good. My brother and I simply don't really get along. I love him, and I'm pretty sure he loves me, but we just butt heads at every opportunity. Oh well. Shit happens.

Also cool about Saturday: randomly ran into C&D when I went to M & M's to get my phone back. Didn't expect to see them at all this weekend, so it was cool bumping into them there. Also, M and I watched "The Replacement Killers." M was crashing, so she went to bed. Was a good flick that I had never seen. Additionally had good chatting about comics and gaming. Good times. Completely saved my Saturday.

Sunday was good too. I drove out to see J in Greencastle, and even though I have a terrible sense of direction, I made it there with only one missed turn, but that was because the directions were bad, not through any fault of mine. Really.

We hung out and tabletopped with W, Jake, Tommy, and Pogo. It was actually pretty cool. I had a lot of fun as W's character and the NPC I was playing got to bicker and snipe at each other, which is something W and I never do. Really. (Note to self: must work harder on the "innocent voice.")

But I think I have a problem. J and I were hanging out, and I tried to make sure he understood that we aren't going out. But I don't think he gets it. He was making dirty faces at Pogo all day because he was teasing me and making dirty suggestions as to what I could be doing while waiting for my turn in combat rounds. I talked to W; he said that he had also spoken to J to remind him that I am not now his girlfriend. I thought the message had been made perfectly clear to J until his cousin showed up and asked if I was his "little girlfriend who [he] was talking about." 

I mean, come on. I am not looking for a relationship. I have plenty of relationships. They're called my friends. I don't want a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I am not looking for a serious anything. I am looking to have a good time and enjoy the people I want to hang out with and not anything more. Is that really so hard to grasp?

Love until later,

~J

I was in a car accident at lunch. Stoopid woman didn't see the guy behind me slow down, so she hit him and he hit me. The guy wanted a police report cause this woman was nuts, so I spent my entire lunch waiting for the officer to show up to do the report.

Luckily, when he heard my account and saw there was NO damage to my car, he let me go without including me in the report. Which essentially means that I stood around at 71st and Shadeland for an hour FOR NO GOOD REASON.

I hate people. I want new ones and I want them now.

Love until later,

~J

Am sitting at work, trying not to think about the fact that it is still dark outside. Bah. Should not have to be awake when the sun has not elected to be. Probably is hungover. Lazy sun.

Last night was groovy. Visited with C,D,&G for some hanging out and dinner. I was able to help C out in a way that was not at all a hassle for me and brought her happiness. That made me smile. These are good people, and they provide me with free therapy. We watched Torchwood and now I see what all the fuss is about. John Barrowman is not exactly someone I would kick out of bed for eating crackers. But, as G pointed out, that's all he'd be doing in my bed.

Am going to Garou tonight. Not terribly excited, but I love the people I will be seeing there, so yay. I should get home right around 3.30 tomorrow morning, because the game is in B-town, and, well, you see, I don't live there.

Tomorrow is Dad's birthday. I finished his present (a gray scarf) on Sunday, so no worries there. Am going with him to the James Whitcomb Reilly Festival in Greenfield. Woot. *said sarcastically*. REALLY don't want to go, but as it is his birthday, I will play the dutiful daughter, even though I would rather have someone sodomize me with the knife from that episode of Torchwood we watched last night than go.

I don't hate my father. I just don't want to spend time with him. I want to spend time with people who are nice or fun or with whom I connect on an intellectual or emotional level, i.e. not my dad. My dad is going through a shitty time right now, but he expects me to be uber supportive. Well, I can't. Maybe I could have been if he had, you know, let me know what was going on from the start. But he didn't. So I don't feel the need to be there for him. When I was a little girl, he didn't expect me to fulfill his emotion needs, so if he insists on treating me like a little girl, then that is what I will be for him: an emotionally unavailable teenager. 

Sunday should be awesome. Well, not quite. I do have to work from 9-12. I hate my job. It's stoopid to expect me to come in on a weekend when I'm already giving this man 46 hours of my week, every week.

But, after the horrendousness of work, I get to drive to Greencastle. Because I have...a date. That's right, folks. I was asked out, I accepted, and I get to drive to effing Greencastle to do it.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I don't date. I just...don't. If you know me, at all, you will understand why. But this guy is sweet, intelligent, and v. cute. And a gamer. Doesn't hurt that he thinks I'm pretty, either. So, when we met, I gave him my number, he actually CALLED me, and he asked me out. What the hell. I'll go, have a good time, and drive home, hopefully without the hallucinations that came after I left Greencastle the last time.

Anyway, this has gone on for quite long enough, don't you think?

Love until later,

~J

When I was visiting M in Chicago for my vacation this year, she gave me a number of songs that she thought I should have. One of them is Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen.)

This is a fantastic song that everyone should listen to. 

It has some great lines, like, "Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday." 

I have been listening to this song all morning and I feel much better for it.

I went and helped M move last night, which was a great deal of fun. I didn't do that much to help, but I enjoyed getting to hang out with M. She is an awesome person and has introduced me to some faboo people.

Also, I was drunk dialed last night at 1.15 by W and his friends. He wanted me to sing my family's drinking song for J, who I am going to go see on Sunday.

J and I had a nice little chat after I sang for him (what was I gonna do, hang up on him?) until the battery on his cell died and he hung up on me. 

Tonight I am doing nothing but some stuff I have to do for myself. I have no plans to see anyone. Not gonna turn down any offers if they come my way, mind you. I'm kinda nervous about this thing I have to do tonight, so good thoughts, okay?

I'm pretty sure I had a point when i sat down to write this, but it escapes me now.

Love until later,

~J

One side of the happy coin: This was a really good weekend for me. I don’t say that enough, so I thought I should.

Friday night, I went and hung out with C, G, & D, which has become my favorite way to spend time. We had dinner and just spent time together.

I seriously love these people. Can I just say that? I so enjoy spending time with people who don’t have an agenda, who have no ulterior motives as to why they want people around.

I think it’s bloody brilliant. I think THEY’RE bloody brilliant.

Saturday was KaNaR. It was interesting. It would have been a good deal more enjoyable for all if everyone brought enough water. I had 12 liter bottles of water for myself, but apparently I was the only one. I mean, look at a friggin’ weather forecast. Hot plus dry equals hydrate. It’s simple.

But I did make a new friend. Actually one of W’s friends but J and I spent most of the day on Saturday hanging out and getting to know each other. It was v. cool.

Sunday was a good day. It was time for C’s birthday party (Happy Birthday, my glorious friend.) and it was fantastic. Some of my favorite people in the world were there. After all had left, I got to have some really wonderful conversation with C, the only downside of which is that I stayed up so late talking with her that I overslept my alarm and woke up 20 minutes after I was supposed to be at work this morning.

Oops.

Oh well. I didn’t even get in trouble for it. My boss didn’t even mention it.

Other side of the happy coin is: the other admin in my office is going through what I went through with my mom five years ago, but right now. She is actually dying from the same thing Mom had. It’s kinda weird and it sucks. I just want to cry and have wanted to all day.

I need a hug.

Love until later,

~J

I'm actually having a decent day. Who'da thunk it?

I'm still sick. So this cold has persisted for a week. I may have to kill someone. Everyone in my office has it, and now the people in my Superhero game apparently are sick too. It's stoopid.

Speaking of Superhero, I have a game tonight. Should be lots of fun. I really am enjoying this character, especially since I finished her backstory today while I was supposed to be typing a quote for one of my customers.

Shh. Don't tell anyone, but I'm not always working when I'm at work.

Anywho, this weekend is Triumph (woot!) and staying over at S&S's place. Should be uber fun.

I love the fact that I have found something that I enjoy so much to do with my free time. It's actually kind of ridiculous that every weekend in September I have some sort of game. If it's not Superheroes, it's Triumph. If it's not Triumph, it's Garou. If it's not Garou, it's KaNaR.

Plus I have other friends who want to see me and hang out with me. I love all of my friends, but sometimes, I just want to take a nap.

I know. Poor baby. So sad that she now has friends who love her and squeeze her and call her George.

Love until later,

~J

Last night, I went out with M. M and I have been friends for over five years, I count her as one of my best friends, and she started calling me on my shit. 

That's never fun, particularly when I so enjoy the whole "ignore it until it goes away" problem solving skill.

I know this is not who I want to be. I know that staying angry at my family, all the time, is not healthy or productive. At this point, I don't really care. (Which is her whole point, really. I SHOULD care.)

I hurt all the time. Not in a C way, but in a general achy way. I can't sleep. I dream about gaming when I do sleep. Or about my mother. Or about my cats. At least I've stopped having the wedding dream.

On a lighter note, last night I was driving and went to flip on my turn signal in the Marsh parking lot. I hit the gear selector instead, which naturally drove my car to a slamming halt.  I turned off the motor and restarted it, but I definitely get the retahd hat.

Love until later,

~J

P.S. Hoppy birfday, Teifi!

I hab a code.

My heb feews like ith goin to besplode.

*blows nose so can talk normal*

My boss told me to go home until noon, but the other girl in my office has a doctor's appointment this morning, so if I left, no one would be here to guard the telephones.

Apparently, work is more important than my feeling better.

*shoots evil death rays at boss's head, which is currently in Plainfield.*

And to top it off, I slept badly. Again. I usually sleep about three hours at a time, up for an hour or two, and then try to sleep again.

So I slept from 7-9, 9:30-11, 1-4, 4:15-5, 6:15-6:45.

Ick. Just want to sleep. Unfortunately, the only way I seem to be able to sleep through the night is after...extra-curricular activities, which hasn't happened for a bit now.

Wish I felt better, so that I could do something to help me get some sleep.

Oh well. My game for tonight has been postponed, so I may get in a nap after work. Penrod tomorrow, then Mass Ave for "Time Bandits." If you haven't seen it, or if you want to see it again (FREE!) come to Mass Ave video tomorrow night @ 8ish. 

Should be good. BYOB, or there's stuff there to buy. Mass Ave Video is...well, it's on Mass Ave, at the corner where the street becomes Bellafontaine.

Love until later,

~J